Image has been something that has always seemed to pass me by slightly. As I write this I am sat in an office wearing a cardigan and jeans; hardly a bold and brave fashion statement. It would be fair to say that I am not exactly the most ostentatious human being on the planet, but part of me craves to change that. A portion of my psyche, buried underneath layers and layers of shame and guilt, wants to buy an item that screams out to the world, “Look at me world! Look at meeeeee!” So far I have kept this mental impulse successfully under wraps, partly for reasons of decency, partly because I never seem to have enough money to afford anything other than the mundane. I do, however, have one fantasy that if even given a modicum of a chance of achieving I would pounce on in a second.
Now I’m assuming that being cultured and intelligent people, you have probably seen the Godfather films. Well, to put it bluntly, I want to be the Godfather. The power, the influence, the style and the lifestyle are all the stuff of dreams. Obviously I’m not interested in the gambling, racketeering and indiscriminate murdering; I just want the house, the suits, the respect and the cars. Seeing as how the housing market is in the doldrums, I already have a (admittedly ill-fitting) suit and no one will ever respect me, I’ll just have to settle for the car.
Alas they don’t make cars like they did back in the halcyon days of mob rule; the wonderfully majestic Cadillac Fleetwood 75 is the perfect way for a Mafia boss to travel combining comfort, prestige and style. Unfortunately this particular model ceased production in the 1970’s and to buy one now would probably cost you a small fortune. So for the modern Don, there has to be a suitable substitute.
At this point I would like to introduce the Chrysler 300 [http://www.cheapchryslerjeep.co.uk/specials/chrysler-300c.shtml]; possibly the most regal looking car Chrysler have manufactured and arguably a suitable transport for any Mafia Don to be driven around in. The biggest plus point of this particular vehicle is the price point. A fully specced Chrysler 300 (that includes luxury chrome wheels, bucket seats, seatback tables and Video Entertainment system) comes in at the remarkable price of around £37,000; a very good price for a luxury car. This is proof enough that you don’t have to be a boss of one of the Five Families to afford opulence.
The power to drive all this class comes from the roaring 5.7 Liter V8 engine, which when pushed sounds similar to a lion being poked with a stick; very angry and extremely aggressive. With a 0-60 time of slightly less than 6 seconds, you’ll not only have the best looking car at the traffic lights, but you’ll most likely be the first one away from them.
American cars aren’t renowned for their maneuverability and often seem too bulky for our quaint British roads, but the Chrysler 300 hugs the corners as well as any large saloon and makes for a comfy ride; both for the driver and the perilously dangerous mafia boss in the back. The Chrysler 300 is an impressive drive by anyone’s standards.
Just make sure that you don’t have any vendettas with anyone, you wouldn’t want it to explode when you turned the key in the ignition…